I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
