this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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