sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
