She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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