Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
