You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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