You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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