Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
