Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
