Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
