wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
