I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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