Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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