Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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