make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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