guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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