I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
