Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
