I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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