well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
