question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize