Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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