She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Mom said you looked used
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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