Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
