Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize