my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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