Where are you?
In a non slutty way
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize