I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
