I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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