Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
