he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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