I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize