my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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