as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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