We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
