I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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