Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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