i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize