I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
