Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
