I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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