is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
