Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
