It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
