Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
