He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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