I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
