I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
