Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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