last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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