He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
