I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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