Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
