I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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