Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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