I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is wine microwaveable?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
