I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
