Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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