so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
