Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
