If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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