is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just pee around me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
