Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am puke
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
