His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize