he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dignity is for republicans.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
