just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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