You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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