I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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