Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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