I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
