it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize