Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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