You can't motorboat a personality
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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