Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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